01 June 2009

Roll Me Over In The Clover

So, after reading the blog of one of your fellow readers, I was reminded of some "fun" I had last week.

Like many of you homeowners with lawns have discovered, lawns are a total pain in the prolapsed sphincter a wonderful blessing. Occasionally (or every other day, depending upon your springtime precipitation), lawns need to be mowed. Last Friday was one such event down at the Krëg Ranch.

As I was pulling the mower out of the shed, I noticed that my Saint Bernard had followed me out, and was sniffing around in the overgrown clover nearby. After about three seconds of nose-investigation, he then flopped over onto his side and began rubbing his body into the clover. He continued, rolling over onto his back, with all four legs in the air, but still grinding his body into the clover. He concluded the puppy-like display of happiness by flipping to his other side and wriggling around some more.

That's cute, I thought, he still has a puppy's heart and despite his old age, he really just want's to frolic in the clover until h ... wait. What's going on?

He had completed his little happy "dance" and was now standing up and sniffing the ground again. In the EXACT same spot as before. Odd. My subconcious floated the theory that perhaps there was something on the ground there.

Oh, you little son of a ... If you're rolling around in your own fecal matter I'm going to g...

My thoughts evaporated as I shooed the dog away and began looking for the offending turd that he had been trying to body-slam.

Oh THERE it is ... No, wait. That's not dog poo. What the fu¢k IS that?!?!

After I fetched a good poking stick, and shooed the dog away again, I began my CSI-like investigation of the clover.

"Oh you nasty, NASTY fu¢ker! You're getting a bath first thing tomorrow. And sleeping outside tonight!"

I'm not sure (I really couldn't tell) what creature originally housed them, but my Saint Bernard had been rolling around in a tiny pile of half-eaten critter guts. I could see small intestine and what I believe to be a singular kidney or a liver. I assume all the rest of the evidence was eaten.

The next morning, I discovered that no amount of dog shampoo can wash away some mental images.


Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

Last Monday the girls and I found a nice little dog park where we were able to take our dogs Lucy and Cassie for a long walk in the middle of the city without a leash. Everyone was very excited about this little adventure. Lois and I snapped dozens and dozens of bird pictures and we were all heading home and were about 20 feet from the park gate when someone spotted a newborn baby bird. The girls oohed and ahhed as I snapped pictures. The whole time thinking how great it was that I didn't step into any dog crap. About the time that thought went through my head I suddenly smelled it. Twenty damn more feet!

Bj in Dallas said...

We had a black Dachaund (sp) named Schnitzel that used to find something white about once a week and roll in it and I can still remember how foul that smell was and we NEVER found the source.

Dogs,so cute, but so GROSS at the same time. Owen takes every opportunity to stick his head in Bella's crotch. Men, so cute, but so GROSS at the same time.

Anonymous said...

Cant work out how you managed to have a bad date, when you have such a great sense of humour.

Lets see a pic of this naughty Saint Bernard sometime.

Debbie said...

Great imagery! Animals can be so gross. We had Saint Bernards when I was a child. Fun times.

le @ thirdontheright said...

come on man - toughen up - worse things happen at sea ... le