29 January 2009

Snow Daze

You no say daddy me snow me I'll go blame

This week contained a bonus weekend, as Tuesday and Wednesday were days off with pay due to the inclement weather that hit our area. I made the most of my time off by working on my ass-dent in the couch, making about two gallons of chili, and practicing the accordion. Truer personal improvement has never been so totally realized.

An old friend of mine has THE coolest wife ever. I really doubt either one of them reads this blog, or is even aware of its existence, but I'd still feel like a jackass if I spoiled his Valentine's Day surprise by specifically naming his gift(s). She emailed me asking my advice about her proposed VD gift, and I quickly roped another old friend into the conversation. We ended up putting together a very nice group of gifts, and I think my friend will absolutely shit himself when he sees them all.

If I had THAT kind of thoughtful (ex)wife, I'd probably still be married. Most of my married friends find their spouses to be a source of constant annoyance, or at least that's all I ever hear about. But Amanda really stepped things up for my old friend, and may have renewed my faith in the institution for the time being.

The event also reminded me that Valentine's Day is approaching. I managed to drift through the "holiday" last year completely oblivious to the occasion. I'm hoping to repeat that performance this year. Or perhaps get a call girl and a bottle of scotch. Calling all sluts!

Check out No One's Better Sake by Little Joy. It reminds me of Sublime for some reason.

It does NOT remind me of the rapper Snow.

A licky boom boom down

26 January 2009

Stalking Made Easy

While it isn't so reliable that I'm throwing out my ghillie suit or firing my shamus, PIPL.com is pretty good at helping you cyberstalk locate individuals. It can even find hard-to-find people. But it doesn't give you tips on how to lurk in the bushes unnoticed, or how to explain yourself to the police when you are caught pantsless in Harry Anderson's backyard.

21 January 2009

Heil To The Chief

Are you totally crazy about Obama? Can't get enough of the guy? Does the mere thought of him take you to some heightened mental state?

Then why not take your feelings to the next level while showing your support, using THIS one-of-a-kind apparatus. Order a few extras, as they make great gifts.

Worst I've Seen

This is the cruelest and funniest image I've seen so far this year.

But the year is young.

20 January 2009

While I am not the most refined conversationalist, I generally try to fake a certain level of professionalism when talking with most co-workers. So it surprised me when I accidentally gave myself what I imagine will be the best laugh of my week.

Female co-worker: "Hey Craig, you got a sec?"
Me, talking before thinking: "I have LOTS of secs."

16 January 2009

I hope I don't pinch my junk.

I don't know what's come over me. Over the past year, I can't seem to stop buying musical instruments. Some of them I have taken to rather quickly, while others (like the banjo) are a constant struggle and the source of much disappointment.

But even knowing all that, I'm fairly certain I'm going to buy this:
It's affordable and nearby. On the downside, it may guarantee that I will never get laid again.

But I suppose the banjo was doing that already...

14 January 2009

By The Chimney With Care

Since we were both too lazy to attend to matters last year, my ex wife and I waited until this past December to split up our old Christmas decorations. This worked out well for me, because at the same time we were dividing the spoils, I was also classifying my remaining decorations into three piles; garbage, sentimental but not my favorite, and cool enough to make an annual appearance. The first pile went straight into a trash sack, the second went into various boxes and back into the attic, and the third stayed out for a few weeks to celebrate the season.

Now my annual decorations all fit into one box, simple and organized.

Part of the small third pile was my Christmas stocking that I have had since I was two or three. As the nails are present year-round on the mantle, it was a simple matter to hang up my stocking, and I did exactly that. My ex asked me why I was hanging it up, with the added comment of, "It seems kinda lonely and pointless to hang it up all by itself." While I couldn't verbalize why I felt the urge to hang up my stocking above the fireplace during Christmas, I could and did mentally call my ex wife all manner of unkind names.

Christmas Eve, I went to my parents for dinner (homemade fried chicken). After the meal, I loafed on the couch watching A Christmas Story on the channel that plays it on a loop all day long. After being away for few and a half hours, I returned home to feed the dogs and continue my loafing. I dozed off on the couch (again watching A Christmas Story), and was awakened at about 11:30 by my Saint Bernard brushing past me. I hadn't opened my eyes yet, but it was apparent from the sounds that Ike was sniffing something. I cracked my right eye open to behold a Christmas miracle. Ike was sniffing my stocking, which appeared to contain items other than the usual air.

I laughed into the empty room, knowing that one of the two groups of friends with a key to my house had paid me a visit while I was away. I think I might have also muttered a cheery "Fuck you!" to the memory of my ex wife asking why I was even bothering to hang my stocking. The contents of my stocking are as unimportant as the identity of the culprits (which I later determined by checking my caller ID and counting the beers in my fridge). The important thing is that I have some INCREDIBLY thoughtful friends that went out of their way to make a difference in my life.

That pretty well trumps anything you can wrap up and stick under a tree.

Heres some music:
The Gaslight Anthem – Great Expectations

12 January 2009

And we talked about some old times

And we talked about some old times
And we drank ourselves some beers
Still crazy after all these years

- Paul Simon (not the senator, that other one... the singer guy)

I've had a house guest for twelve days. I enjoy my good friend's company, as I haven't seen him in 2+ years. I invited him to stay as long as he wanted, and he took me up on the offer. He stayed for the Sooner game Thursday night, and left Friday.

I haven't been around any person for that amount of time since my ex-wife moved out a year and a half ago. I didn't realize that I've come to cherish my solitude. Fortunately, D is an agreeable fellow with tastes similar to mine (with the exception of his avoidance of Thai food).

We played guitar/piano/bass/banjo/extra-guitar until almost dawn a few nights running, and I was beginning to fear that when my vacation expired, I would have inadvertently reset my body-clock to Greenwich Mean Time. But, in yet another sign that I am getting old, my body remembered it's routine without incident, and I slipped right back into the work "groove". I'll throw some photos up here when I get damn good and ready.

08 January 2009

Go Big Red

Oh wait. I suppose that image doesn't get EVERYONE into the spirit.

Maybe this one...

Or this one...

I'm still partial to the first one though.

Boomer Sooner.

05 January 2009

Not Dead

Contrary to groundless speculation, I have weathered the changing of calendars in spectacular health, temper, and company.

I'll post more about my twelve days of vacation later. For now, I'll set off 2009 with some Girl Talk.