14 February 2008

Just Because You're Paranoid...

Subject: i'm not that paranoid
From: Tim
Date: Fri, Feb 8, 2008 at 7:26 PM
To: Smith, Tubbs, Krëg, Dustin

or, more accurately, i'm not wrong:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/02/06/microsoft.ads.ap/index.html


--

Tim

Subject: RE: i'm not that paranoid
From: Krëg
Date: Mon, Feb 11, 2008 at 11:50 AM
To: Tim
Cc: Smith, Tubbs, Dustin


Hey man, ads are only effective if you actually BUY shit. Marketing departments have pissed away untold sums trying to get people to buy their crap. I'm not suddenly going to switch to Pepsi because of some algorithm developed by a sexless geek in a Microsoft lab. My eyeballs are connected to my hands (and therefore my wallet) by my BRAIN. Until techie ad gurus figure out how to hack my skull, I'll buy shit just like I always have: based on real need, personal preference, and recommendations of people I trust.
I have always scoffed at the advertising industry, and they haven't shown me anything yet that makes me want to take them seriously. This included.

--
Krëg

Subject: RE: i'm not that paranoid
From: Smith
Date: Mon, Feb 11, 2008 at 1:58 PM
To: Krëg
Cc: Tim, Tubbs, Dustin

Krëg,

You've become a bitter and cynical old man. I'm sorry your vote for Huckabee was not counted in the primary. You should consider an angry revolutionary write-in for November. Perhaps Howard Dean will fall off a horse on his way to the Democratic National Convention and to convert to the Republican party, ala Saul and Paul. Then you'll have the appropriate candidate.

Got to go. A pop up just reminded me to get some coffee at Starbucks and I need to buy some chinos at the Gap. Better stop to get a Pepsi along the way. I'll be thirsty long before I get to the mall. Then I have to refinance my mortgage and get some Viagra from an online pharmacy. No time to chit chat.

--

Smith


Subject: RE: i'm not that paranoid
From: Tim
Date: Mon, Feb 11, 2008 at 2:06 PM
To: Smith
Cc: Krëg, Tubbs, Dustin

you're missing the point, but that's ok, because you're both idiots. the
point is not whether or not marketers can convince you that the right
kind of douche will change your life, but that microsoft (among others)
is going to be watching you, both online and off, to gather as much
information about you personally (what websites you go to, what searches
you make, what you buy, what programs you have installed on your
computer) in order to gather "'audience intelligence' -- figuring out
what kind of person the Web user is based on their surfing and searching
habits." or even better, to force your computer to eavesdrop on you:
"Another used speech recognition to make a transcript of a video, then
served up ads -- in the demonstration, they were text links -- alongside
the video. As the topics discussed on screen changed, so did the ads."

--

Tim


Subject: RE: i'm not that paranoid
From: Krëg
Date: Mon, Feb 11, 2008 at 4:43 PM
To: Tim
Cc: Smith, Tubbs, Dustin

No, I'm not missing the point. But as always, I concede I may be an idiot.

My DSL/Cable modem provider could easily serve up a list of what sites I visit.

My bank could create a dossier about what I regularly purchase (mostly cigarettes, booze, and jalapeño sausage rolls...in that order).

Microsoft or Dell or one of the many spyware programs that Norton hasn't picked up and I'm too stupid to notice could probably report in detail about what is installed on my computer.

I just don't give a shit what people know about me. Let's say that I spend six hours per day browsing for homo-erotic goat porn, or maybe for geriatric snuff porn (or Kevorkian porn, if you follow me). Let's just say that. In theory or whatever. Microsoft or Dell or AT&T or COX or whomever is going to have a great time trying to find advertisement tie-ins to match my tastes. They'll probably kick out ads for goat cheese and Geritol.

And when SuperSneakyTrojanSpy finally reports to someone that I have an unlicensed and hacked copy of Digital Anus Simulator installed illegally, I probably won't even notice. What's someone going to do, blackmail me? "I'm going to tell the world that you spank it to pictures of cocktail shrimp covered in feces while running Digital Anus Simulator!" Knock yourself out, chief. I'm not running for congress or anything, and I'm really not that repressed anymore. And I'm not going to act like I have a lot of pride or dignity. Because if I did, I wouldn't be visiting webpages where men and women cover their gentials in peanut butter to entice ducks to wrench them in their bills. Or at least I wouldn't get off on it.

Are you worried that Microsoft may report about your behavior and habits? To whom? And why? I got news for you, out of the 301 million Americans, your "odd" habits and fetishes probably rate you a ranking somewhere in the middle. You're not a Mormon, and you're also not a dead marmot rapist.

Finally, I hate to burst your bubble, but agencies have been collecting information about you and all your fellow citizens for a few decades now. Check out a company called Acxiom. Granted, Acxiom has of late fallen on hard times, but they aren't the only player in the industry.

ALF LANDON for PRESIDENT in 2008!

--
Krëg

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Here's some tracks for ya...

Beastie Boys (Soul Assassin Remix) - So Whatcha Want (buy here)

Eric Bachmann - Genie, Genie (buy here)

1 comment:

zakary said...

I have pants from the GAP.