21 February 2008

The Early Bird Won't Get Fat

I like to delude myself into believing that humans are continually getting smarter, always building further upon the cumulative knowledge amassed by previous generations to create and even broader and more accessible educational foundation. It is a beautiful lie that I tell myself in order to feel better about the direction that humanity is heading. Amidst the famines, wars, natural disasters and other heartbreaks that grip the world, I can take false solace in the idea that the average IQ must be climbing steadily as time passes.

Then I read things like this:

Hong Kong warns against using worms to lose weight

HONG KONG (AFP) — Hong Kong health officials Tuesday warned would-be slimmers not to consume parasitic worms in an attempt to lose weight following adverts for products containing worm eggs.

A health department spokesman said there was no scientific evidence that infestation with ascaris, a parasitic worm which lives in the intestine, was a way to lose weight.

He warned that worm infestations caused pain, vomiting and diarrhoea and could prove difficult to get rid of.

"Ascaris infestation may also be fatal due to serious complications in human bodies such as intestinal, biliary tract or pancreatic duct obstruction. The worms may invade such organs as the lungs," he said.

"The infestation can be treated with medication that kills the parasite. Surgical removal of the worms may be required in case of obstruction."

The health department said it issued the warning following reports that a product containing worm eggs was being promoted as a slimming aid on a commercial website.

Ascaris is the most common worm infection in humans and is mostly found in tropical areas where sanitation and hygiene are poor. Adult worms can grow to more than 30 centimetres (one foot) long.

Lovely. I don't know what bothers me most; that there are idiots out there who think that weight loss via parasites is a good idea, or that there are buttstains who market this product to other feeble-minded idiots. I suppose I shouldn't be overly concerned with this possibility of people deliberately ingesting parasites. I mean, if you're dumb enough to eat worm eggs, the world is probably throwing WAY larger obstacles in your direction. Between walking upright, trying to earn income, and not choking to death on your own tongue, parasites are the least of your worries.

Still, I'd love to see the packaging for a parasitic weight loss product. Would there be a cuddly tapeworm battling against a vicious-looking wad of cellulite? Would there even be much need for flashy packaging? If you're dumb enough to knowingly eat worm eggs, you'd probably eat them right out of a ziploc bag. A bottle with a child-resistant cap would only confuse and enrage you.

Oh well, I suppose I can always numb out with a warm glass of whiskey…


Against Me! - Pints Of Guinness Make You Strong (Buy here)
Frédéric Chopin - Opus 22:Andante spianato and Grande Polonaise (Buy here)


zakary said...

Gross. I was eating lunch too when I read this. WAS.

zakary said...

Either way, my lunch was eay ruined before the last two paragraphs!

zakary said...

Probably a good diet though!