09 February 2010

Where's The Giant Slingshot?

Friday, on the property where I work there was a curious sight. A curious sight indeed.

"What the hell is that? A rug?" asks a coworker as we drive back from securing our mid-morning meals of sausage rolls and caffeine something healthy that all the cool kids are eating/drinking. He points to what looked like a small piece of dingy, cut-up carpet.

"Looks like a dog or something, curled up on that gravel pile," I reply as I drive through the parking lot.

"Holy shit, that's a coyote!" he responds.

"Bullshit. It looks too fat. Plus it's not covered in ACME products," says I.

"All right pull in. We'll walk over there and check it out," retorts the coworker.

In response to this comment, about four or five different thoughts jammed up in a synaptic cranial bottleneck all at once, much like that three stooges gag where they all try to walk through a doorway together. Fortunately, one mental image trumped the rest:
...And his last words were: "We'll walk over there and check it out."

My car's tires squealed a bit as I made a sudden, impulsive turn.

"Are you totally high, or just want rabies? Tell you what, we'll just drive over there, since Toyota Avalons are coyote-proof, and denim is only coyote-resistant. Whatdya think?"

"Solid plan," agrees the coworker.

So I edge my vehicle in close to get a better look at the animal. When I get within about thirty feet, the animal unfurls and stands up on super-long legs. While not exactly baring teeth, the coyote did pace back and forth atop the mound. Telltale ACME products must have been hidden in the gravel.

"See! I told you it was a coyote," crowed the coworker.

"Yes. Congratulations. And now we've not only awakened it, but apparently we've also pissed it off. Plus, I'm sure to the hyper-sensitive nose of that mammal-hunter, we both smell like giant sausage rolls."

"Shit," repeated the coworker.

"At least I can run faster than you."


Coyotes are one of the most resilient mammals in nature, and have little trouble adapting to the very unnatural world of humans.


I'm still trying to park as close to the building as possible though.

I'm wondering if THIS will make Oprah's book list.


le @ whoopwhoop said...

ohhh wildlife in the burbs ... why should we have all the scary animals ... it was a brown snake in front of the office on Monday, a BIG confident croc at the fav fishing spot on the weekend and meat ants biting holes in the steps today ... glad you have some pets too :) le

Chelle said...

What is with this coyote induced pandemonium? Just punt it if it gets near you.

Unless you're a roadrunner. You've never really indicated otherwise...

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

Was the Avalon a recall? Because you could get hurt one way or another, punting or not.

Pearl said...

You are so funny! The fact that the vehicle is coyote proof and the denim is coyote resistant?

I wish I'd said that.


p.s. I've added you to my blogroll. I should've earlier.