19 April 2010

These Boots Are Made...

A.A. Bondy's title track When The Devil's Loose.

Those of you trapped behind a desk eight hours a day, five days a week, know tedium can be a killer of both productivity and sanity. The horrible slog between morning and lunch, then between lunch and quitting time are peppered with pitfalls of monotony. Everyone I work with has their own method of dealing with the workday doldrums, from banal conversation breaks to caffeine intake that borders on criminal.

I have tried these methods, and while they are a pleasant break from the routine, they don't do much to keep me energized once I return to my cell.

What I have found that keeps me on an even keel is an activity known as walking.

walk·ing - Pronunciation: \ˈw-kiŋ\ - Function: noun -Date: 14th century

1 : the minimal amount of effort one can exert while still claiming it is "exercise" with a straight face. 
Jared claimed walking and submarine sandwiches made him lose weight, but everyone knows it was the meth.

2 : the condition of a surface for one going on foot.
Though already difficult in the low light and haze of opium smoke, the walking was made even more treacherous by the puddles of meth-barf that Jared had spewed everywhere.

Originally championed by the elderly and those too corpulent or lazy for normal exercise, walking is quickly gaining traction as the exercise of choice among the following key demographic: people who are sick as fuck of sitting behind a goddamn desk and staring at a soul-sucking screen that is slowing eating away at the quality years of their pathetic and ever-dwindling lives.  Yeah.  That demographic.

At any rate, a coworker and I started walking about three or four years ago when we were seeking a place to vulgarly complain about our jobs without being overheard.  The mile-and-a-half of walking (broken out over two walks; morning and afternoon) was just incidental to our insatiable desire to bitch and moan.

At first, our workstations were in close enough proximity to simply ask each other if we felt up for a walk.
"Hey, motherfucker. Walk?"
"Let's do it."

As time and advancement moved us further apart, it became necessary to email each other when the need for a walk arose.

... ... ... ...

I'm not sure when it happened, but at some juncture the phrases "walk" and "walking" were supplanted by images of Christopher Walken.

So for over a year now, I've been scouring the internet daily in search of new and unique images of Mr. Walken, and surprisingly, I have NOT exhausted all the available images.

Below are some of my favorites, organized by group.

There are Costumed Walkens:

There are Portrait Walkens:

And even the ever-elusive Mustachioed Walkens:

Honestly, all these Walken pictures are enough to blow a man's mind.

Fortunately, good ol Christopher can be there to reassemble your blown mind, should the need arise.

Nancy Sinatra - These Boots Are Made For Walken

Which celebrity have you seen too many pictures of?
(And no, for once I don't mean naked pictures.)

Speaking of crazy mustache pictures, go check out some of the timeless classics HERE.


le @ whoopwhoop said...

walking ... seems harmless enough as to walken well the second image with the plait does it for me ... lordy lord ...

as to too many pics ... brittany 'where have I left my toddler' springs to mind ...

how bout tom cruise and the risky business guitar playing images ... at one time they seemed to everywhere and there was nothing good about them, unlike your walken pics which are of course a class act ... away with me le xox

Pearl said...

Oh, Kreg, Kreg, Kreg. If only you were closer so we could have these moments in person.

I can personally do without any more pictures of Angelina, Madonna, Kate Gosselin, the Duggars, the Octo-Mom or anyone else toting incredibly large numbers of toddlers. The toddlers are small, sticky and dangerous and the media's callous disregard for their darker side and overuse of pictures of their smooth little cheeks and clear eyes is gonna make everyone want a dozen of their own.


ZDub said...

TOM fucking CRUISE.

I want to kill myself when I see him, that crazy fuck.

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

Those guys from Twilight are getting way too much attention. Someone needs to put that Patterson guy down. I do like Miss Greene though.