17 March 2010

Without Warning

No one told me.  Seriously.  I thought what I was doing was in the best interest of everyone.


You see, I have a dirty mind and a crass mouth, and a hard time reining in either one.  It's not really a secret, and I make no apologies for the abominations generated by my head.  And, I can still see how it could easily offend some people. In fact, sometimes that's the point.

Like how my mind instantly converts "Slippery When Wet" into 
the FAR more hilarious expression "Shit And Fall Back In It."

Yet I assure you, I was looking out for the delicate feelings of faceless, nameless people when I told Blogger I wanted to enable their Adult Content Warning.  "This will be great," I told myself.  "I won't have to apologize to nuns or justify myself in front of a federal judge or listen to crying kids tell me how I 'made baby Jesus cry'.  Perfect solution."

And so I selected the option in my settings window and never gave it another thought...

Until today.  Today I decided to "View Blog" and then (after clicking through the Adult Content thing) start clicking on "Next Blog" just to see what other interesting blogs I could dig up.  It's a maneuver I try about twice a year in order to see what the other random prisoners of Blogger are up to, leave a few non-sequitur comments, and try to milk a slightly less pathetic number of followers (to no avail).

Four of the first five sites I visited using the above method were exclusively devoted to spanking and leather (not either, both).  The fifth was just pictures of naked women from India.  Now, whether or not these sites made me uncomfortable or became instantly bookmarked is beside the point.  The point is, Blogger now assumes that I'm into some kinky-sex-tricks without my specifically and directly informing Blogger that if I am.

Actually, I suppose that's not entirely true.  There are a number of possible explanations for my adventures through assland. 

The first is that everyone except Captain Paddle And The Bare Assed Bandits abandoned Blogger in favor of some other venue.  Judging by the amount of complaining I hear from bloggers about Blogger for its free and functional service, that is an equally sad and real possibility.  People will complain about any damn thing if you give them enough time."These free and flawless diamonds just don't sparkle much on cloudy days.  They must be shitty."  Still, it seems unlikely that everyone just up and left one afternoon.

A second possibility is that when I enabled the Adult Content Warning, Blogger instantly assumed I was uploading photos of my weirdly half-shaved, half-tattooed crotch.  Here again, I can see the inclination to stereotype anyone using the Adult Content Warning as a pierced fecalphile; there are a lot of freaks out there, and grouping them together helps maintain order in society.  However, just because I use words like "cockshits" or "dickbeard" it doesn't make me a gimp-rubber (someone who rubs gimps, not a substance extracted and vulcanized from gimps).

Third, I've been assigning choice labels/tags to a few of my posts, and perhaps that controls the direction in which the Next Blog button points me.  I've decided to test that theory by including some choice labels in this very post.  I'll put on a white lab coat later, and analyze the results.

Finally, the most chilling thought is that before Google/Blogger sends me on my Next Blog journey, it first scans through my previous posts and picks out keywords and themes in order to give itself some direction.  Which would indicate that there is an algorithm out there stained black by my barely-coherent, half-drunk rantings...
So when SkyNet becomes sentient in 2016, the first things it may seek out are butt beads and Pabst.

"I need Sarah Connor and a tube of lube."

Anyway, that's why I've disabled the Adult Content Warning again.  And just in time for this lovely post.

Happy Saint Patricks Day.

6 comments:

Chelle said...

beer beer beer
ba ba ba beer beer beer
ba ba ba beer beer beer
greenly beeeeeer!

I just made that up because I didn't have anything else to say.

But it was awesome, what I said, eh?

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

I don't know what scares me the most, the whole social networking thing or Skynet.

le @ whoopwhoop said...

am so glad that is turned off ... it was like you know false advertising ... while you might be a booby loving, guitar playing double hard bastard to some youa re just a big cuddly bear to me :) le xoxo

Lorrie Veasey said...

yeah, what chelle said.

Bj in Dallas said...

we learned along time ago to enter at our own risk

ZDub said...

Yeah, what BJ said.

Google Chat Roulette if you are into a good time.