02 May 2006

Scavenger Hunting License...

....Has Been Revoked.
So, I participated in a normal/photo scavenger hunt hybrid thing yesterday.The list was an amalgamation of various items and photographic scenes: photo with a uniformed police officer, hot or mild sauce from a taco restaurant, photo of a midget, a live and transplantable human kidney (blood-type O+) on ice, etc...

In light of all that, its no surprise that I learned something new yesterday. Now, I probably don't need to explain the following to most people; most people probably have this listed somewhere on the first page of their internal common sense manual, if not hardwired into their very souls.But during some regrettable moments in life, I must learn things the hard way.

The hunt list mentioned a photo at an Asian-food restaurant, and also required the acquisition of a fortune cookie.Since this scavenger hunt took place on a Sunday evening in a small suburban town, the bulleted item was a double-threat, as most McMonosodiumGlutamate establishments were closed.

I tackled the first half of the problem with gusto, as whether the place is open or closed, being photographed in front of a Chinese food restaurant is child's play.A corpse could do it.The lynch-pin was the damnable fortune cookie.I'd considered trying to quickly fashion one from flattened Double-mint gum and plastic wrap, but retired the idea once I realized my fabrication wouldnt hold together under even the lightest scrutiny.

Then the blinding light of a "bright idea" flashed on in my head.Now, as an aside, I should point out that when lights flash in my head, I mistakenly think that good ideas are presenting themselves.These lights flood my mind like something out of a discotheque, bright and colorful and accompanied by cheesy music with an even beat."Genius!" I usually proclaim. The thing I never realize, much to my dismay, is that the flashing disco lights are actually hazard strobes warning of impending danger, and that cheesy, rhythmic music is wailing klaxon song of a tornado siren.As I said, I must learn the hard way.

Yesterday's bright idea hit me while I was still standing in front of the Chinese restaurant."Theres probably a fortune cookie in that dumpster over there.You should check it out," my treacherous mind whispered to itself."What a GREAT idea!" my heedless self replied, "We're so smart."

I approached the dumpster with all the apprehension of an autistic man walking the green mile.Not until the lid of the dumpster flipped open and thumped against the back of the green sweatbox did I realize what a tremendous mistake I'd made.I'm thankful to report that my sense of touch was not violated.In miliseconds, every other one of my senses was deflowered by the innards of that unholy thing.I recognized only two things amongst the many rotted contents of that humid deathtrap: a head of lettuce and a swarm of flies.

And there was no fortune cookie anywhere in sight.

Now, on a totally different note, here's a representative of a generation I affectionately refer to as "The Braintrust" participating in a YooHoo quaffing contest. Yes, that's YooHoo. I promise.

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